It was the second night of the tour and we did a Q&A with a smaller group of women. It’s one of my very favorite parts of the night because Lysa and I get to answer very specific questions. We received a question that I’ve answered so many times. During our podcast, Therapy and Theology we have multiple episodes dedicated to answering this question. My point in saying this is that I was not caught off guard, till I was. Meredith (our friend and MC for the tour) asked the question:
Question: How do I respond to the shame of going through a divorce and the negative comments and responses I get when Christians find out and say, “Don’t you know, the Bible says, ‘God hates divorce.’”
I knew where to go in my mind. First, the response of shame is a tactic of the enemy and has no place in the economy of the Kingdom. We may feel guilt for sin that is intended to lead us into repentance and restoration with God. But God doesn’t work through shaming us.
Second, the Bible doesn’t say God hates divorce. This is a misunderstanding of Malachi 2:16 that was translated in an unhelpful way by the KJV and NKJV to say “God hates divorce.” I think the CSB and other modern translations better translate the original Hebrew when they say:
“If he hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord God of Israel, “he covers his garment with injustice,” says the Lord of Armies. Therefore, watch yourselves carefully, and do not act treacherously.” (Malachi 2:16, CSB)
Notice the difference? The hatred isn’t connected to God and divorce. It’s connected to the man who shows contempt and hatred towards his wife and divorces her outside of covenant requirements. You can read more about this and the translation process on my Instagram post.
I’ve said this so many times. But this time as I was saying it fear crept into my heart. I didn’t even realize it was happening but I started to fumble with my words. I got everything out but I had to really process what happened. The next morning as I was talking about that moment with my friends I realized the fear I had was because I saw the men in the room. Almost always when I teach this I’m teaching this to women who have been hurt and harmed by addictions, abuse, and behavior unbecoming of what God calls men to.
In this moment I was faced with a decision. Would I couch my words and make them softer and even try to figure out how to skirt the question out of fear of hurting the feelings of the men in the room? Or, would I stand firm in truth, speak with grace and truth, mercy and compassion, and encourage these women that God has brought to this event to hear His truth?
I’m so glad I chose to stand in truth. I’m so grateful for the Holy Spirit and how He led me to stay grounded in what these women needed to hear because I was here for them! You see, fear tends to hit us at random times. Sometimes it’s so unexpected. That’s what happened to me. The question is what do we do in that moment? Will the Spirit lead us? Or will we be led by our own needs for self-preservation?
Humility leads us to follow the Spirit. Pride leads us to ensure our self-preservation. The irony is that pride promises self-preservation but only leads us into deep self-obsession that produces our own self-destruction.
Humility on the other hand grants us the gift of self-awareness. And we all need more self-awareness. So we can recognize when fear hits us and then equip us to respond in a way to that fear that is consistent with who we are in Christ Jesus.
I don’t want to compromise the truth out of fear of the cost. Whatever the cost, it’s so worth it; as long as we are being led by the Spirit.